I have often been told that I am a “nice girl”. And I am. Being a “nice girl” probably means different things to different people. Kindness is truly a trait that I value about myself and of others. I believe in this with every fiber of my being. It’s time that we all are reminded of the solid truth that being kind is one of the most badass things you can ever do in your life and I am about to tell you why.
First off, I was raised this way. I was blessed with parents that taught me basic manners, the values of my faith, and common courtesy. Also, a lot of people in my family are this way and treated me this way. Kindness, I feel, is showing another person, “Hey, I totally recognize that you are human too and we are here on this earth together, so let’s make the best of it! Hope you use all your talents and potential to be awesome and thanks for believing in me too”. I am not one to tell someone what they should believe or not believe, but this is a belief we need now, and now more than ever in the world. Traditionally, niceness is something that is celebrated or encouraged, and I would say the majority of the time it is, but not all the time. Being nice can sometimes be viewed as being “soft”, “weak”, “over-sensitive”, “Doormat”, “goody-two-shoes”, etc. In all honesty, I have been called all these things a time or another in my life and sure, maybe at times, I did fall into those categories. When people would say these things to me, I immediately felt shame or embarrassment, but on the outside, I would laugh it off, say something snarky, or be quick to drop some badass knowledge on something I know or did that would fall under the “tough” category. Do I still feel the sweet sting of shame when this happens? Yes. But not to the same degree as once before. When I feel those bad vibes coming my way or someone try’s to front to make themselves feel good, or makes a comment about someone being a “snowflake” (which in all honesty, has only happened to me once, and the look I gave that person was far from fluffy and snow-like, which, is not nice, but in the words take from Taylor Mali’s famous slam poem, What a Teacher Makes: “You see, I have a policy on honesty and ass-kicking, so when you ask for it, then I have to let you have it”.) Sometimes, you have to be blunt and upfront if someone is over stepping and being rude for the sake of being rude and gain some sort of power. Usually, people who are quick to throw out the “snowflake” slang, probably feel a little hurt that they may have gotten called on the carpet for not thinking before they spoke or had a belief of theirs challenged and did not like it. Hey, totally get it. But instead of bringing someone else down, take a second, and walk in their shoes. As a matter of fact, walk around the block a few times in them, or train for a marathon in them. Empathy and understanding gets things solved faster and is just overall better. You do not have to agree with their views, but you certainly do not have the right to throw shade or be rude because someone else believes something different than your or lives differently than you. Maybe if you had some of their experiences, you would feel the same way or maybe not. Bottom line is before the words come out, take a second, get grounded, and look at the big picture. Ask yourself, “Is this helpful? Or is this hurtful”? We teach this Kindergartners because its true and it works. We need reminders too. Now, just because I am nice does not mean being excused from getting fired up about certain things. (I got a little sassy in the paragraphs above, but sometimes things that fueled by passion can come out fiery, it happens to everyone and that does not mean you forfeit kindness completely). And from my past experiences and what I have learned from them, I would say 8 out of 10 times I handle these situations appropriately and then the world keeps a movin’ full steam ahead! Here are some things I think of when being kind is, like, the last thing I wanna do.
These are not the “nice” rules. These are just somethings that are on my mind and heart. If you want to discuss more, you know where to find me. Choose kind and stay badass, my friends. Thanks for reading.
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AuthorMy name is Olivia. I am woman, daughter, sister, friend, and counselor. I just want to put love in the world. Archives
October 2018
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